Jian Ping's column
Connection, Again
Connection, Again
Jian Ping is author of “Mulberry Child: A Memoir of
China. “ For more information, visit www.moraquest.
com or www.mulberrychild.com. Jian Ping’s blog,
which she keeps with a couple of other authors, is at
www.smearedtype.com.
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Jian Ping
I was extremely moved that day when a
middle-aged American woman stood up and made
a comment at the very end of the Q & A session.
"It's a powerful film," she said. "I just want to thank
you." She paused for a brief moment, making an
effort to control her emotion. "I have an adopted
Chinese daughter," she continued. "I want her to
know her Chinese roots and heritage, just like you
do with your daughter, and I've encountered the
same challenges," she choked on her words. "I'm
deeply touched by your story. Thank you so much for
sharing."
I wanted to walk over to give her a hug and seal our
connection, and the connection with the rest of our
audience, right there and then.
]
middle-aged American woman stood up and made
a comment at the very end of the Q & A session.
"It's a powerful film," she said. "I just want to thank
you." She paused for a brief moment, making an
effort to control her emotion. "I have an adopted
Chinese daughter," she continued. "I want her to
know her Chinese roots and heritage, just like you
do with your daughter, and I've encountered the
same challenges," she choked on her words. "I'm
deeply touched by your story. Thank you so much for
sharing."
I wanted to walk over to give her a hug and seal our
connection, and the connection with the rest of our
audience, right there and then.
]
by Jian Ping
The Beverly Arts Center, which is located on the south side of Chicago, recently showed Mulberry
Child. My daughter, Lisa, and I went for the Q & A. We met a couple of friends who came to see the
film for the second time; a group of women from a Western suburb who had invited me to give a
talk not long before; and mostly, a large audience whom I didn't know personally. I made a brief
introduction to welcome everyone before the screening and walked to the lobby area when the film
started—both Lisa and I, despite having seen the film several times, still found it difficult to watch,
especially in public.
We tiptoed into the theatre shortly before the ending. As always, I was very touched by the lasting
applause when the film ended. We eased our way into Q & A and I was pleased to see most of
the people in the audience stayed for the discussion.
Lisa wore a white, loose blouse over a pair of tight pants, appearing in her young professional's
The Beverly Arts Center, which is located on the south side of Chicago, recently showed Mulberry
Child. My daughter, Lisa, and I went for the Q & A. We met a couple of friends who came to see the
film for the second time; a group of women from a Western suburb who had invited me to give a
talk not long before; and mostly, a large audience whom I didn't know personally. I made a brief
introduction to welcome everyone before the screening and walked to the lobby area when the film
started—both Lisa and I, despite having seen the film several times, still found it difficult to watch,
especially in public.
We tiptoed into the theatre shortly before the ending. As always, I was very touched by the lasting
applause when the film ended. We eased our way into Q & A and I was pleased to see most of
the people in the audience stayed for the discussion.
Lisa wore a white, loose blouse over a pair of tight pants, appearing in her young professional's
best. She injected her natural sense of humor in answering questions, an ability that I didn't and would never have. I watched
her with pride as she sat on the edge of the stage, addressing the issues directed at her with eloquence and ease, though
some of the questions were not easy to answer.
"I still couldn't watch the first 20 minutes of the film," Lisa admitted. She told the audience how, a couple of weeks before when
we attended the screenings of Mulberry Child at the Quad Cinema in New York City, she joined a few friends of hers in the
audience to watch the film, but ducked behind the seat in front of her during the beginning segment, especially the "water
melon" scene in which she argued with me. "I sweated profusely," she said. "I knew I was a gigantic jerk," she said and laughed
with the audience together.
her with pride as she sat on the edge of the stage, addressing the issues directed at her with eloquence and ease, though
some of the questions were not easy to answer.
"I still couldn't watch the first 20 minutes of the film," Lisa admitted. She told the audience how, a couple of weeks before when
we attended the screenings of Mulberry Child at the Quad Cinema in New York City, she joined a few friends of hers in the
audience to watch the film, but ducked behind the seat in front of her during the beginning segment, especially the "water
melon" scene in which she argued with me. "I sweated profusely," she said. "I knew I was a gigantic jerk," she said and laughed
with the audience together.
Getting more serious, she shared her journey from a reluctant participant in
the making of the film to her gradual endorsement of it—the change came as
a direct result of the audience's encouraging responses.
"The connection and resonation from the audience made me feel worthwhile
to throw our lives on the screen and be judged by the public," she continued.
Her statement represented my sentiments as well.
A woman in the audience asked how the film had impacted our relationship?
A father with two children, who were half Chinese and half American, stated
he was a "tiger father" because his Chinese wife was very lenient with their
children. He asked how to instill the important Chinese heritage to the next
generation of American-grown children who didn't care much about their
Chinese roots, at least not in their teenage years. A Chinese mother said our
story was just like hers. She wiped away the tears at the corners of her eyes
and said she really appreciated the narrative structure of the film, which, she
said, linked the present with the past seamlessly.
Lisa and I answered all the questions openly and honestly. We both
acknowledged that the film had helped bringing us much closer; and I also
told the audience that "I am very proud of Lisa," but "I still don't see enough of
her." The audience laughed, connecting the revelation with a scene in the film
when I asked Lisa to come home regularly and she bluntly refused.
At one point, I was moved and surprised by Lisa's statement. When
answering a question about my impact on her, Lisa said she had never seen
another person working as hard and dedicated as I was. "My mom doesn't
the making of the film to her gradual endorsement of it—the change came as
a direct result of the audience's encouraging responses.
"The connection and resonation from the audience made me feel worthwhile
to throw our lives on the screen and be judged by the public," she continued.
Her statement represented my sentiments as well.
A woman in the audience asked how the film had impacted our relationship?
A father with two children, who were half Chinese and half American, stated
he was a "tiger father" because his Chinese wife was very lenient with their
children. He asked how to instill the important Chinese heritage to the next
generation of American-grown children who didn't care much about their
Chinese roots, at least not in their teenage years. A Chinese mother said our
story was just like hers. She wiped away the tears at the corners of her eyes
and said she really appreciated the narrative structure of the film, which, she
said, linked the present with the past seamlessly.
Lisa and I answered all the questions openly and honestly. We both
acknowledged that the film had helped bringing us much closer; and I also
told the audience that "I am very proud of Lisa," but "I still don't see enough of
her." The audience laughed, connecting the revelation with a scene in the film
when I asked Lisa to come home regularly and she bluntly refused.
At one point, I was moved and surprised by Lisa's statement. When
answering a question about my impact on her, Lisa said she had never seen
another person working as hard and dedicated as I was. "My mom doesn't
know how to fail," she said.
I couldn't help from leaning over to give her a hug, risking making her feel embarrassed. It was the second time I heard her
making a comment along the same line about my hardworking ethics. I was stunned speechless the first time. This time,
however, in addition to feeling genuinely touched that such recognition was from my daughter, I also realized there was another
side to the coin. I always worked the hard way, but not the smart way. In fact, Lisa could accomplish a lot more in the same
amount of time than I could ever do.
I couldn't help from leaning over to give her a hug, risking making her feel embarrassed. It was the second time I heard her
making a comment along the same line about my hardworking ethics. I was stunned speechless the first time. This time,
however, in addition to feeling genuinely touched that such recognition was from my daughter, I also realized there was another
side to the coin. I always worked the hard way, but not the smart way. In fact, Lisa could accomplish a lot more in the same
amount of time than I could ever do.
"Working smarter and reaching
her goal with the least amount of
efforts" was one of her mottos. I
used to push her to work harder.
Her efficiency and speed in
getting things done eventually
not only won me over, but very
much impressed me.
As we complimented each
other's strength, we also
admitted that our
mother/daughter relationship
continued to evolve and there
her goal with the least amount of
efforts" was one of her mottos. I
used to push her to work harder.
Her efficiency and speed in
getting things done eventually
not only won me over, but very
much impressed me.
As we complimented each
other's strength, we also
admitted that our
mother/daughter relationship
continued to evolve and there
were still many issues that we didn't see eye to eye. That was part of the reason we had begun working on a book together,
writing about our differences and conflicts in a first person narrative by each of us. It was not an easy process but we were
making progress.
Mother/daughter, or rather parents/children, relationship is a universal theme, and endearing as it is, it can be very challenging
at times. We don't have magic solutions—we only hope that by showing our life stories, we can encourage others to open up—
to communicate and build a better relationship.
writing about our differences and conflicts in a first person narrative by each of us. It was not an easy process but we were
making progress.
Mother/daughter, or rather parents/children, relationship is a universal theme, and endearing as it is, it can be very challenging
at times. We don't have magic solutions—we only hope that by showing our life stories, we can encourage others to open up—
to communicate and build a better relationship.